loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Small penises have feelings too.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
