every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
