Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
