Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
