I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize