Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
