Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize