Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize