you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
