I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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