We need to rekindle our bromance
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize