You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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