you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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