Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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