Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
