my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
