i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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