New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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