i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
