She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
