I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
