We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
