just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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