these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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