just survived the first fart of the relationship.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
