she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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