I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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