so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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