his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
