found the other keg... it's in the tree
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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