i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
