I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
