but the lizard people decide everything anyway
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
