one two three fourrrrnication!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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