i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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