Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
