'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
