wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
