More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ttyl tear gas
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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