I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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