so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize