I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
