so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize