well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
