my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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