Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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