well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This girl is more easily done than said...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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