Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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