my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They took my balls.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize