I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
