I met the friendliest cop last night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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