lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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