wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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