I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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