the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you win again, gameday.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
