Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You ruined the universe
Randomize
