This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
