Are we in a gay sports bar?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize