My hand turned me down
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
