Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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