my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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