You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Randomize
