dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
