Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
