Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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