Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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