she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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