just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
