it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
