this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
