Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
