just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
