I checked into jail on foursquare
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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