I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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