i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize