Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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