I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize