so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
