At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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