You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
