bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
