Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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