She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
