wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
