I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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