Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you would pick up someone in the library
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
