Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
