on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
40s are totally the cure
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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