if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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