Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
