You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
