she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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