The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Drake has all the answers
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
