some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
