Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
