Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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