I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
