remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
