i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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