So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
