You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
