you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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