I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
