you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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