I want you more than these girls want KFC
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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