I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
