A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
