I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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